This one was another reader suggested topic so here’s my attempt. With all the ups and downs of the roller coaster we call life it can be quite a task to learn to see things in a positive light and not kick ourselves when we are down. In both my transition and my continuous physical rehabilitation finding the positive aspects and internal happiness has been a skill I had to learn to not throw in the towel every other day.
One of the most helpful tricks I rewired my brain to do subconsciously and modify my own thoughts was to acknowledge the bad, but only give attention and focus to all the positive aspects of any scenario. Life truly is about finding the balance so instead of wallowing in the bad parts I figured out how to enjoy even the worst of my dysphoria days and the static days in recovery.
Some days I have limited to no functional mobility in my hand to this day, especially when I am stressed or sleep deprived. Instead of focusing on the anger I sometimes feel towards my paralysis I thank my body for not giving me any say and forcing me to take a rest day that I never take unless I cannot function. A day off here and there shouldn’t be an issue unless you’re a workaholic towards your personal goals like myself.
When my dysphoria get’s so bad that I wish I could rip my own skin off I find one part of my body that I at least like and find a clothing article that emphasizes it so that even my own attention is drawn to it all day. For me this is usually my bust despite all the pain it causes me. Sometimes distract-o-boob is all I need to get through an escalated dysphoric day.
I promise that if you can find one positive in every day and hold onto it that you will make it no matter the struggle. If you are struggling also do not forget to reach out to a friend or connect with your mental health professional and learn some healthy ways to cope.
Most people do not come equipped with the singular focus or dive to Male their recovery from anything their top priority. One of the best things for my physical recovery was the singular focus that comes with being atypical. Since the day I decided I would beat this it has been my top priority and a bit of an obsession. I was one of the lucky few who knew at the time of my paralysis because I was a martial artist and a pole fitness practitioner. Even almost five years later my recovery is my top priority and nothing will get in my way until I am 100% recovered no matter how long it takes me.
Making ones health a top priority is isolating, can be lonely, and at times will make you feel like you are going to lose your mind. Even within friendships the time spent together had to be mutually beneficial otherwise it was another thing that added to the long list of things I felt obligated it do and eventually died off. Anyone who consistently took time away from my week got cut off. For example I had an “acquaintance” that thought they we fiving me something to do when they would pick me up just so they had a buddy while running their errands all day once a week. I’m sorry but if I want to accomplish nothing and just be there to fill a space I would rather it was my space on the couch doing something to heal my body like occupational therapy exercises.
I’ve never met anyone else that sits down with a pot of coffee every day and assesses what tweaks can be made in every aspect of their physical rehabilitation to improve the balance to get where they need sooner. Martial arts may have never been my thing despite the nine years I trained, but it did teach me that every day you can make something better if you are willing to put in the time and effort required.
My paralysis set me back in every aspect of my life but no matter the loss of potential earnings or being several years behind where I want to be. Friendships lost, opportunities not taken, I still see my paralysis as one of the best things that has ever happened to me because it taught me that I can make it on my own no matter the odds. When I heal and am ready to pursue all the things I want accomplished it’ll be a hell of a lot easier because I know how to not give up.
I have learned a lot even since I published my book, what do you guys want to know more about?
The topic of surviving emotional and physical pain was a suggestion from one of you lovely followers.
Making it through the turmoil of simultaneous physical and emotional pain can be a tricky game. The rules of the game change depending on which one is worse from day-to-day, but unlike fight club the first rule is not that you cannot speak of it. Despite my chronic pain I generally resort to making as many muscles ache as I can when I just cannot deal with the emotional pain at hand. Yes that results in an eventual burn out after you’ve run through the chemicals that working out releases in one’s brain, but that’s inevitable.
People often forget how physical recovery can be extremely emotionally strenuous all on its own. No matter whether they are positive or negative emotions it can be a little more than overwhelming paired with the hours of day of rehabilitation one has to do. I have recently talked of the negative so I’d rather focus on how emotional the positive days can be. All it takes to shed happy tears for the rest of the day is a minuscule improvement in strength or range of motion in a toe or finger. To any average person it sounds like nothing, but as someone who has the flashback of being told they would never get anywhere near where they have in recovery it results in being overjoyed.
From the day that I went from having no hope to knowing that even if it took my whole life I would heal, time got faster. In that moment I began to grieve and process my entire recovery journey. Honoring every toe wiggle and finger twitch has aided immensely in loving my body enough to train it and feed as it needs every day. There are people who think I fell off the face of the earth because sometimes I shut down, but really I’ve just been quietly feeling and accepting every emotion I’ve had towards my paralysis. Even my closest friends barely hear from me right now as my only priorities are health and happiness.